What does your reflection say to you?

I can’t believe what happened today.  I was going about my business, running errands, grocery shopping, the usual weekly “to-do’s”.  After an hour and a half a Costco I was feeling a pit parched as I packed my car with boxes of food and miles of papertowels and toilet paper.  On my way home, I felt an urge to swing by a local deli/market and grab a water. 

As I approached the store, I saw man sitting at an outdoor table. One table, one chair, he wasn’t sitting in towards the table but had postioned himself with his back against the wall with the front of his body facing every individual that had decided to venture into the tiny store.  As lunch hour was in full roar, there were quite a few people coming in and out.  Most walking in with arms empty and walking out with arms full of sandwiches and drinks.  As I parked my car in the front of the store I was aware that he was asking each person that walked into the store if they had money to give.  Or atleast thats what it sounded like. 

The man was wearing an old brown canvas jacket and what looked like black sweats or jeans, he was covered in dirt, and his hair looked as though it hadn’t been washed or brushed in months.  He sat with one leg resting over the other leg, with the leg pulled up on the knee of the other leg,  he was picking at what appeared to be a pretty nasty sore on his ankle.  His socks were tinged gray and brown with only a small fold of what appeared to be white - cotton socks.  This man was down on his luck in my opinion.  I immediately began to feel empathy for him and thought that if he did ask me for something on my way into the store I would kindly offer him a sandwich or juice of his choice, he had a look of hunger, or atleast a yearning for something….

I grabbed my bag and keys and got out of my car. As I got closer the pungent foul smell of body odor whiffed past me.  I had to hold my breath for few seconds, actually I didn’t have a choice because it took my breath away.  I could not help but feel bad for this person.  I started to have thoughts – different viewpoints - quickly arguing back and forth inside my own head….”He needs help, no he’s probably gotten himself to this place by some choice of his, Nobody chooses to let themselves go like that, do they? He doesn’t seem to care about himself, he’s lost all sense of pride, he’s beyond help…Oh I could help him…Maybe I could give him food…”  Yes these honestly were thoughts that were racing around my head, there were more, some positive thougths, negative thoughts, judgements, empathetic pain, sadness for this man.  I’ve been in situations were I have been around folks who have been down on their luck, helping out at the soup kitchen, helping out families gathering food for those in need of food…collecting jackets for those who need them, sending coffee to our troops in Iraq. You get the idea, but don’t recall seeing those folks in their situations with thoughts of them being “wounded”. 

I have recently been working very hard on remaining in the now, releasing negative emotions and thoughts, keeping positive and trying to be and stay in a place of awareness but without judgement, basically staying in a ”good place” as often as posible, so when I saw this particular man it clearly struck a nerve I wasn’t aware I still hadn’t touched yet.

So whats the point you ask…Well, as I walked up to the storefront, this (will call him the ‘transient man’ ) transient man asked me if I could spare 85 cents.  I truly did not have any change or cash on me, only my debit card, I was apologetic and explained to him that I truly didn’t have any money on my body but I’d love to get him (purchase him) a soda or sandwhich.  I asked him if he was hungry and then asked him if he would like something to eat, a sandwhich or chips, whatever,  I would get it for him.  Without hesitation he looked up at me with the most amazing crystal ice blue eyes and an incredibly cranky tone and told me in no uncertain terms (from what I could understand from his mumbling) that he didn’t want food!  He didn’t want a soda! And lastly he said, “Look lady, I don’t want what you think I should have, I want 85 cents so I can have enough money to by me my pint of whiskey!”

I stood there for a second or two absolutely dumbfounded.  I was no longer in a place of observance, I was no longer judging him, but I was in a state of disbelief that I found myself a bit attached to an outcome, I was so sure that I was doing the right thing. Was I? I actually began to ask myself  “Should I go buy him his pint?”  Of course not, but who am I to decide what it was that he needed?

I walked into the store, grabbed what I wanted, paid the clerk, and as I was walking out of the door a tall, good looking man walked in and smiled toward me, he said “Apparently your soda wasnt’ good enough!”

So I have finally come to a place (several hours later) where I feel I can take the event or events of today and surrender them, letting them go…Some how the words “LET GO” are resonating with me and I’m commited to bringing my awarenessof todays events to a place called ”surrender”, a sense of detachment for in this lesson there is truth, there is spirit and there is love.  In a strange way I received a message from spirit, reminding me to let go, there was no need for me to become attached to this situation or its outcome…

Where does your ego lie?

Brightest Blessings

Wishing you a day filled with love, light and laughter…..and beauty!

Namaste!